In this Silence…

In silence the worlds have drifted through me, the ages of time ebbing and flowing, weaving dreams from the Hearts  of Lovers.

and on this spindle there sits my soul. Each thread of me woven by the hands of the Beloved. The sacred blood that drips from her  colours my soul with a passion that is found in every human heart. Ssshhh and listen to this beating heart, it calls out to intoxicate your soul with Joy. ~ A

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I Am Your Annabel Lee

My Dear Beloved,

I have been so tearful this morning, not so much as how badly my date went last night [I’m getting used to the disasters by now]; but the disappointments merely highlight how no-one comes close to you, in fact the gap is so wide it is a great abyss into which all the unsuitables fall.

And of course that leads me to miss you even more, and the tears are merely me mourning our life together. It wasn’t conventional by any means, and the pious would have it tainted as immoral; but the fact remains that I was happy and I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.

I miss you so much my Love,  I miss how you found me perfect and loved me unconditionally.  I miss your tender touch, the adoring look in your eyes as though I was the most beautiful woman on earth.  I miss your breathless strawberry kisses that led to sacred love making, joining us as one.

Annabel Lee

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;-
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee-
With a love that the winged seraphs of Heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her high-born kinsmen came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre,
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in Heaven,
Went envying her and me-
Yes!-that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in Heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee:-
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling – my darling – my life and my bride,
In her sepulchre there by the sea-
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

~
Edgar Allan Poe

I Love My Munana King

My Dear Beloved,

I LOVE YOU.

I always have and I always will.

No great revelations to share with you today.

Just my Love. All my Love.

Thank you for the messages last night, and the reminders of our love and laughter.  I had such a vivid picture of us laughing that day at The Park.  Even thinking about it now brings a huge grin to my face.  The best memories I have of my life are all moments spent with you my Love.  It may have been short, but we had an amazing life together.  Filled with so much Love and laughter, and more Love!

I felt your Love all weekend and this morning I am floating on a cloud of Shameet; cocooned in your sweet and everlasting Love.  Last night I felt your arms around me, bringing me in close to your body, and I felt your breath on my neck whispering your wish to me.

The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
They’re in each other all along.

Rumi

When It Hurts So Bad, Why Does It Feel So Good?

When it hurts so bad, why does it feel so good?

I wish this all made sense, I wish I understood.

Not having you here with me is tearing me up inside,

but I can’t stop thinking about you, no matter how hard I try.

Loving you feels so right

But at the same time

Knowing I can’t be with you

Keeps me up at night.

I just want this to be simple

I want you here with me

To look into your eyes, to be held in your arms

Then I would be truly happy

Because no-one else comes close to you

No-one makes me feel the way you do

You’re so special to me

And you’ll always be, eternally

You Stole From Me

My Dear Beloved,

I thought being away from you would get easier with time; “out of site out of mind”, right? Instead each long day and lonely night is infinitely more difficult than the last.

I am constantly looking for you, in all the usual places; our parks, the mall, even in traffic. If I see a car like yours on the road, my head spins to see if you’re behind the wheel.

Even though I know you’re not here, nowhere near here or me, and yet I can’t help but torture myself and seek for you.

I even search in the unusual places; with Peter Pan in the moment before the end of a dream; the space between the breath of life. I look for you here too; clicking, unable to take a breath while the page refreshes.

But you are not here. You are there. You are where you want to be.

I think the hardest thing for me to deal with, and something I still haven’t yet managed to fathom is the fact that you chose not to be with me.

You, not me. Regardless of what I want, or what I need.

So could it be? Could what we have, what we had truly be the unique divine Love we believed it to be? Wouldn’t you be with me if that were true?

Maybe this was all an illusion. Perhaps I projected my heart’s desires onto an invisible canvas which became a hologram of my twin flame.

Because if it were real. I wouldn’t be alone, would I? I wouldn’t still be waiting for you to return to me. I wouldn’t continue to hope and pray that the distance is merely temporary.

You came suddenly and stole three things from me: the patience from my heart, the colour from my heart and the sleep from my eyes.
♥ Rumi

Look Again, And See How Much I Need You

#1783

Look again, and see how much I need you;
Watch the long nights that I lie here awake.
No, I am wrong: the distance between us
Will not let me live to see you again.

#1294

“I gave you my heart and my faith,” I said,
“I showered on you everything I had.”
“You?” she said, “Who cares what you do or not?

#671

My love for you will surely be loyal;
This marriage of fancy must become real.
What I feel in my heart, what I do for you,
Isn’t bad, but it could be better still.
I shook you up, and this is what I got.”

#438

Though distance has broken hope’s own back,
Though cruelty has tied desire’s hands,
The drunken lover’s heart will not give up.
The goal’s in reach if you try hard enough.

#239

I grasp at your feet, I won’t let you go.
Your love hurts my heart; whose cure should I seek?
You taunt me; you say that my heart runs dry.
If so, then why does it flow from my eyes?

#212

What riot flares in my constricted heart?
Love has shrunk me, like a small, hollow lute.
What is this–this heart within my body,
Making war on me for her, night and day?

Rumi ~ [Kolliyaat-e Shams-e Tabrizi]

Untitled, of course….

Shouldn’t the title portion of a post being created be at the bottom. Most of the time the encapsulation of a creation is only realized through the effects and experiences of the journey of co-creation, right?

A useless but useful observation, don’t you think my Love? or the product of a 02:45am in the morning mind. I Love You though, with a 24/7/365 kind of mind.

I remember pretty well the moment of relief in my heart the first moments we met; like coming home again.

Then a memory of the candle lit moments of a beautiful night (barring the snoring…apologies, too many puffs and too little water), the silhouette of your cheeks gently being caressed by your hair, the flow of your ear defining an emotion caught between the breathless and the breath. I remember in that moment, so clearly, that the scent of you will always be my inspiration to come home someday.

That feeling of watching you sleep, just holding you, just being is the most vivid intoxication of clarity that filled my soul.

Something happened that was different, a change, a shift, a sense of being filled with a purpose i cannot put words to.

Left lingering in this silence i choose to be close to you. It almost feels like the very make up of my physical body is being pushed by my spirit, wanting to fly, arms outstretched reaching for something i cannot quite see, but can feel.

It almost feels like the shuddering of the earth as you stand near the train tracks and all of a sudden you feel the velocity of a bullet train thunder past in a flash. You know, you felt it, it almost ripped your soul out of your body kinda experince that you didn’t see it coming

That undeniable feeling in my soul that i cannot quite quantify or express but feel with a raging hurricane within my being, within my heart; slowly being edged on by my every breath.

The silhouette of you is etched into the deepest, most granular part of my soul, intertwined in my very existence, your colours splashing vividly on my pallett.

I Love You beyond the very meaning and understanding of Love.

I pray that i may create a vision out of this feeling.

A vision filled with……