My Dear Beloved,
I thought being away from you would get easier with time; “out of site out of mind”, right? Instead each long day and lonely night is infinitely more difficult than the last.
I am constantly looking for you, in all the usual places; our parks, the mall, even in traffic. If I see a car like yours on the road, my head spins to see if you’re behind the wheel.
Even though I know you’re not here, nowhere near here or me, and yet I can’t help but torture myself and seek for you.
I even search in the unusual places; with Peter Pan in the moment before the end of a dream; the space between the breath of life. I look for you here too; clicking, unable to take a breath while the page refreshes.
But you are not here. You are there. You are where you want to be.
I think the hardest thing for me to deal with, and something I still haven’t yet managed to fathom is the fact that you chose not to be with me.
You, not me. Regardless of what I want, or what I need.
So could it be? Could what we have, what we had truly be the unique divine Love we believed it to be? Wouldn’t you be with me if that were true?
Maybe this was all an illusion. Perhaps I projected my heart’s desires onto an invisible canvas which became a hologram of my twin flame.
Because if it were real. I wouldn’t be alone, would I? I wouldn’t still be waiting for you to return to me. I wouldn’t continue to hope and pray that the distance is merely temporary.
You came suddenly and stole three things from me: the patience from my heart, the colour from my heart and the sleep from my eyes.